Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
