you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
