I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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