How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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