I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
