I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
