I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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