Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
