Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
