like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
