Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
