Are we in a gay sports bar?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
