you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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