She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
