yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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