so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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