when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I party with great urgency now.
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