Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sorry about my life...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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