dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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