I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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