i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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