I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
