the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
