So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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