the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
