Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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