May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
