Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
