he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
