So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
