Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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