the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
