Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
is it fun? or sober?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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