Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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