Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
