The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
