If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
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