Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
time to smoke my breakfast
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
