all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
