how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
