This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
