Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
