; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Bring me that man meat
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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