Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
