remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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