Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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