I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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