i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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