i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
