I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
