Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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